Blossom in a bucket

 

I found blossom in a bucket of rain water and they looked like beautiful dead moths. I took photographs with my Pixel 7 mobile phone (using the portrait mode for a bit of 'out of focus' action). Editing them in Snapseed and played with the colour saturation/contrast and double exposed them with my 'light leak' textures to accentuate the colour palette. I wanted blurred parts of the images so that text would show up on my phone, when I used the photo as the home screen wallpaper.

This is where my creative endeavours lie today - taking photographs inside a bucket. I can't draw at the moment. When I do draw it's with the computer and it just takes me forever to do anything. It's all very frustrating. I have enough experience to realise that it's no good at trying to pursue it and try to make creativity work. It just ends up feeling and looking false and unsustainable. This has been going on for about 3 months which is a long time to not use my creative talents/gifts/whatever you want to call it. 

Usually, I can see a way out because there is light at the end of the myopic, degenerative tunnel but this time it feels different. Since my eyesight started to deteriorate and I was kind of forced to use a computer to draw with, the daily practise of physical drawing has just gone. It's not there anymore. I am anxious because I invested so much in my life in drawing and always had the attitude that if you believed in drawing it would look after you. That had been my experience. Now, there is a huge gaping chasm of a void in front of me.

Part of me wants to embrace it, in that I won't have to worry about how to draw this, design that and make that work visually exciting and I can just get on and enjoy life. Then there's another part of me that's wondering 'what am I going to do if I can't draw?' Still, I like these photos a lot.